The simple answer is, yes, you can have two maids of honor at your wedding. Modern weddings have become more flexible with tradition, and many couples are customizing their weddings to their needs. In modern weddings, it’s not uncommon to find two maid-of-honors in the bridal party.
The maid of honor holds a privileged position in the wedding party. She is your right hand throughout the wedding planning and especially on your big day. If you’ve found yourself considering having two maids of honor, we are here to help. In this article, we offer some tips on how to pull it off as seamlessly as possible.
Do I Really Want Two Maids of Honor?
While it is okay to have two MOHs, you’ll need to consider why you’re having them both. For some women, it could be that they have two besties who are equally special to them. If this is you and you’ve set your heart on having them both, I encourage you to go for it.
But, if you’re considering it because you are having external pressure, now would be a good time to focus on what you really want for your wedding. It’s not easy to say no to someone, but it’s much easier than to load on yourself something you’d prefer not to have. You could take them to lunch or coffee and explain why you made your choice. In this way, you’ll respect the relationship you have with them now and after the wedding.
How to Choose your Maids of Honor
The maid of honor duties includes planning the pre-wedding events, and they will also assist you with all the items on the wedding planning checklist. Most importantly, they get to support you when you get anxious as the big day draws near.
The choice MOH is usually clear or obvious for many brides. It could be a BFF or a sibling, but other times it is not very clear. If you are finding it a little hard to decide from among your closest friends who to pick, here are few pointers to help you decide.
- Are they available for the maid of honor duties?
- Is it going to be a financial burden for them?
- Are they able to provide emotional support to help me deal with the stress and anxiety of the wedding?
- Are they able to take the leadership to plan and execute the pre-wedding activities?
- Are they a team player, and will they get along with the other MOH and the rest of the bridal party?
Something else to consider is where they live because somebody who is far is unlikely to be of much help planning the pre-wedding events. It may also load much of the responsibilities on one MOH, which may create some resentment between them.
Who Can be a Maid of Honor?
Ideally, it would be a person you are close to, and you can trust with personal information. Traditionally, your maid of honor is the person you go to for advice about your marriage. That is why most women go with their closest friends or siblings, but it’s not uncommon to see a man or the mother of the bride given that honor.
If one of your MOHs is a man, he will be called the man of honor. Supposing you decide you want your mom, a family member, or a married friend, you could opt to designate the matron of honor title to them. The unmarried MOH could then remain as the maid of honor. If they’re both married or unmarried then you could have either the matrons of honor or maids of honor titles, whichever one you like.
Helping Them Get Acquainted
How your girls will get along and collaborate is an important consideration when choosing your MOHs. If they can’t get along, their drama will add on to the stress of the wedding planning, while ideally, they should be helping to relieve it.
If your two MOHs are already close friends or they already know each other, getting them on the same page will be a lot easier. But, if they’re from different backgrounds, it’s necessary to have them know each other early in the planning process so that they begin to gel. One way of doing this is by getting them together as often as possible by encouraging frequent communication and collaboration between them. It will help them get closer and make the planning process smoother for everyone.
Getting them together early on in the process will help you see if your maids of honor can get along, and if there are any issues or bad history between them. You should resolve any issues at this early stage so that you have time to reconsider your MOHs if the girls can’t make it work.
Make Your Expectations Known
Having a to-do list early in the planning process will make it easy for you and your honor attendants to divide the tasks and get everything done in good time. Let them know why you need them and what you expect from them in advance so that they come in prepared.
Financial expenses for their dresses and the pre-wedding events like the bachelorette party are some of the things that you’ll need to put across early. Although everyone in the wedding party is expected to chip in, you’ll need to be sensitive to other commitments that they may have.
You’ll also need to consider how much time they can put into helping you with the wedding planner. Where they live is also a consideration because it determines their availability for their maid of honor duties.
Divide Up the Tasks
The maid of honor duties will run-up to the day of the wedding. But before then, there will be plenty to get done to make the big day a success. With your checklist, you’ll be able to easily get your honor attendants to share out the work between them. Since you’ll be having two instead of one, you’ll get more creative ideas for the wedding, and the tasks will get lighter for everyone.
Wedding etiquette dictates that the maids of honor will help to organize a series of pre-wedding events with the bridal party, close friends, and family. The bridal shower and the bachelorette party are the main parties that your MOHs will help to organize and chip in with the expenses.
Your MOHs will also be your style consultants. You may need them to go shopping for your wedding dress and also help with the makeup and accessories. They could also give you creative ideas on the wedding theme and the design of the bridesmaid dresses.
They will also collaborate with the best man to organize the bridal party luncheon right before the wedding day. This event is optional, and the bridesmaids will have their luncheon at a different location from the groomsmen. If you wish to have it, you or your maids of honor may opt to host the bridesmaids’ luncheon.
Away from the parties, your MOHs will help to manage the bridesmaids. They will ensure that the bridesmaids have their dress fittings done and make sure that they get to attend the pre-wedding functions and the rehearsal dinner. They will assist you with your wedding guests and ensure that they have all the information they need as they prepare to come to the wedding.
Wedding Day Duties
The most important maid of honor duty is to give you the emotional support you need to get through anxiety and doubts that comes with making a life-changing decision like getting married. Planning for the wedding can be exciting and stressful at the same time, and you’ll need someone to listen to you and keep you calm and focused.
On the big day, the honor attendants will stand next to you as you take your vows. They’ll hold your bridal bouquet and during the reception, keep you nourished and occasionally refresh your makeup to keep you looking fresh. They will also get to present the maid of honor speech, and since they are two of them, they can both get to do it at the same time. There is quite a bit of stuff for your maids of honor to do, so it does help to have two of them playing tag team.
Help the Maid of Honor Stand Out
One way to help your maids of honor stand out from the rest of the bridal party is having them wear a different dress from the other bridesmaids. It can be the same dress design and color but maybe with a different style on the neckline or highlighted with an accessory such as a belt or hair clip.
Traditionally, the maid of honor walks down the aisle with the best man. In your case, with two maids of honor, there are different ways you can pull it off. One is the best man could walk down the aisle with both ladies, or you could ask one of your special wedding guests to walk down the other MOH. The simplest solution for me is for everyone in the bridal party to walk down alone. That way, everyone gets a chance to shine and get noticed.